I don't want to live a life of gashmiut

Goals for 2011

Lose at least 5lbs (already lost 1)
Florida camping
A month in Israel this summer with my girls
Italy for xmas (davka) and Paris NYE
Make more $$$ dolla dolla bills, yo

So far, gym 3 days, lots of salad, lots of water, protein, minimal carbs and minimal dairy. How long before this becomes just another forgotten New Year's resolution? Only time will tell.

It's come to my attention that I feel very far away

Four and a half years ago I got on plane to the Holy Land that is Tel Aviv. Well, Ra'anana to be honest and less than a week later I was in a 5-month sublet on King David Street living a life I could never have dreamed. And I met so many beautiful people who touched my life to its core. Four years ago on December 18th (my mom's birthday), for better or for worse, but mainly for necessity, I received my Teudat Zehut. And for those seven months prior and many months to follow, I loved, longed, lusted after, laughed, cried, danced, and drank too many bottles of wine. I don't regret a single thing, except for leaving. Or not leaving, but having not come back.

I think I tend to get so nostalgic for Israel in winter. It's easy to do so then, because I'm cursing New York's cold and questioning why the hell I am passing up Palm Trees and heat waves for snow. It's also because when it's cold here, I know I have so long to wait till summer comes and I choose to leave the best time to be in New York so I can have a Tel Aviv summer like it was in 2006 and the end of 2007.

It's been four and a half years - can you imagine? I've come to terms with the decisions I've made that have led me to Brooklyn with a boy I love, but nothing can compare to 2006/2007 of my mind. That was the only time in my life when I had a group of sisters who would call me out on my bullshit. Would tell me to stop pretending I didn't miss NY, chide me for treating my time in Israel like some "study abroad program", support me and my poetry needs, and simply love me for me. And sometimes it hits me just how lucky I was and how I feel so far away. I miss you all. I miss every second of it. I wish I could just go back in time to grab a group hug and carry on like it'll all be okay because it has to.

So, let's use technology to our advantage. Here I am on the cursed G train with vegan thai take-out and a lemonade mixer on my way to see a man in Williamsburg for a hug and to work a freelance life till the wee hours of the night. His hugs don't feel like sisterhood, but they certainly feel like home. And I'll make due until it's summer again, and you'll find me dancing. You'll know where I am because I'll be with you. xx

Cardio

For 1 hour 4-5 times a week. Because it's necessary. And bc I might make myself single soon.

Oh friends

I regret to tell you that religion always gets in the way. That our young heroine will tell you stories over drinks about the time when love came easy and she could have had it all. The rock on the finger. The big beautiful Manhattan sky rise. The 2.5 children while under the age of 30. But, dear friends, this young lass never makes the easy choices or the "right" decisions. Our leading lady left her prince years ago. She gave up the life in the palace for a desert that blooms. For the night that only ends when the sun comes up.

No decisions will be made, but those in my mind. But I will tell you, while I don't make the easy, smart decisions, I long for the dream day where my groom is danced to meet me for the first time after a week. The emotional moment where we see each other for the first time. And I'm not sure I'll have that in this current situation. Yes, I am in love. Yes, I haven't felt this way in quite some time. But ultimately I know who I am. I know what I want. This relationship won't yield the optimal results. So there you have it. What I think 2 drinks in. And now 3. On to the 4th possibly. Good night my loves.

Food journal

2 handfuls Kashi cereal
Water
Coffee (1 sm. sugar, milk)
Banana
2 chocolate kisses

Lunch
Salad w mozz cheese, avocado, string beans, the usual, tuna and home made honey balsamic dressing
Coffee
Water