The bad dreams came back last night. Maybe it was from the wine or the need for my body to branch out in my bed. Maybe it was sleeping with the window open. Whatever it was, I awoke twice last night shaken by my dreams. I don't know why I allow my subconscious to get to me. I often am aware that I'm dreaming and therefore am usually interested in seeing how it plays out. But not when there are random men running in allies and I become frightened by that and then one starts running in my direction. Or when I am visited by ghosts of my past. Demons lurk in every corner of my mind and appear when I let my guard down. Chalom tov, chalom shalom is all that I can say. Hopefully I'll be able to shake this feeling and start the week off on a good foot. Well, I pretty much did. I got to have a perfect lazy American Sunday consisting of the beach, hanging out with friends, and a rooftop BBQ with a good wine buzz. Nothing could be more delicious.
I also realized a few things about myself. One being that I appear to be regressing at times, reminding myself of the me I was at different stages of life years ago. I hope that I can find a nice balance and combine the best.
I also realized that I don't think I can be with someone who doesn't inspire me to write. I mean, what's the point really if I can laugh but don't have the urge to write about the way my smile reflects in his eyes? Is it crazy to think that I could never be satisfied with just a good laugh?
The jazzmen are calling me again. I can almost picture them searching for the notes above their heads. I can't wait to jump out of my chair and write furiously in my journal. Maybe I should consider dating the bassist.
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4 comments:
A no wonder you were disappointed last night! It all becomes clear now... There is nothing wrong with a bit of laughter darling.X
F
You should do something about it, its recurring, it comes back again and again - trying to tell you something that you are not ready to hear - its time to deal with it - you should be ready.
just love that's all
How much easier said than done, "deal with it." Harsh on the ears, easy on the eyes.
Don't be angry it comes out of care - it isn't easy - believe me I know - will be Harsh on the ears - Harsh on the eyes - will scare the shit out of you - it already does - its worth it - its right - its you.
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