...

I can almost touch certainty with my fingertips. As the Vegas wind rustles through my hair I wonder when we stop being so confused and uncertain and finally become content with the decisions that we have made in our lives. When do we stop questioning how we came to be but rather embrace where we are now? I remember an insatiable hunger for life before the urge to run came about. I remember strength engrained within me. When did the running all begin?

I know that I can make a decent life for myself no matter where I am placed, but first it takes the giant leap with eyes clenched tightly shut - a blind leap of faith.

If I could go back in time I would change everything and at the same time nothing. And so I am now trying to focus on only moving forward. I am letting go of you, Past, and looking forward to you, Future. Every day I only ask for G-d to grant me the strength to believe in myself as much as others. I fear the day when others worry more about myself than I. I pray for the ability to follow through. To let go of the Gemini in me for just long enough to make something as permanent as life allows. Grant me the tender moments that make you feel as warm and chosen as when a baby falls asleep on your chest. Grab me by the arms firmly with shoulders squared, look me straight in the eye and tell me how much you love me and need me in your life. And if not, then what is it that we are doing here at this precise moment...