Oh where to begin, where to begin?

For starters, I have decided that honesty is my new policy - with others and with myself. If something hurts, talk about it. If it involves those I care about who care about me, then why not? I've got nothing to lose.

The dreams just keep coming. Thursday night after dancing about the Torah and singing songs till the wee hours of the morning, he came to me once again. In a Rocky Horror Picturesque style, in a cafeteria filled with many Asians for some reason, there he was chatting up an Asian-inspired girl and telling her he could picture himself spending the rest of his life with her and raising children. Then I met a guy named Adam who was supposed to be Israeli. He seemed fairly nice and normal when we met in the cafeteria, but then it cut to me knocking on his door that had glass in it. He was behind it, wearing glasses and for some reason he had an S&M feel to him. Maybe it was the whip I could see from behind the darkened glass...

Eviatar Banai plays bitter-sweetly in my ear. One of the best musicians I have ever seen perform. I miss Israel in February. I miss it period. I ate salad from a non-kosher restaurant and then had to run to the bathroom a few times. Is that a sign of something? Is G-d telling me he doesn't f*ck around?

New York is so heavy sometimes. So stuffy. So light. So empty. So full. So full of itself.

While waiting for the subway last night, I saw a man bleeding from his head and his friend tending to him, dabbing at it with baby wipes. I was appalled to have seen one person on the phone trying to get an ambulance and not one single person offering their seat for the injured to sit and wait. The least I could do is offer my pack of tissues. When the train finally came, they didn't wait for the ambulance. They got on the train instead. A man tried to share a look with me that was supposed to convey "oh those silly Afro-Americans on drugs again." I tried to convey "do something and offer up your damn seat." How amazed I am at the lack of care and concern New Yorkers have. And I thought we had warm hearts. Silly me.

Perfect thought for the week's mood (taken from Yehuda Berg's Weekly Tune-up):

The Light is a parent to us all, and thus struggles every day watching us fall and pick ourselves up and fall and pick ourselves up and fall and pick ourselves up. But a mistake is a beautiful thing, as long as you learn from it.

Perhaps an even more painful lesson is the deeper the pit you fall into, the higher you can climb.

This week we have the opportunity to go back on a spiritual level to the embryonic state, before the fall, and to remember the deal we struck:

Obstacles are a necessity. It's our choice whether
they become chaos or opportunities for revelation of Light.

I, for one, am focusing on positive thoughts. I am not "hopefully" getting a job because that statement means I have doubts. I will get a job within a week. I will give more because I want to. Because it's what we should do as human beings in this world.