I feel nothing for work except they pay me. I wish I could evoke some sort of emotion,conjure some false enthusiasm but I can't. Today I just felt run down. I like when the office is quiet in the morning.
Last night I truly laughed and sang and whooped, only to regret it in the morning. I need something more than a temporary fix. I need to know where I'm going besides in circles.
Is this a borderline depression I've been pacifying for the past year? I think I need to be medicated at this point. An injection of adrenaline or some uppers.
I need to hit the sauce more often. I need daily doses of sunshine. I need a one way ticket to...
3 comments:
I hear that....especially now. I think not being able to celebrate Israeli holidays in Israel makes me feel absolutely the worst. But it also makes me wonder if I am just chasing some kind of dream I have in my head. I think I should start a blog on this :)
Marni
Oh Marni, you're like a soul sister after my own heart.
You have NO IDEA how much I have like built up a life there for myself in my head. I actually have spoken with a few people who live there and all are in agreement that I should just cut a "chunk" out of my life to just do it.
And since this is a decision I have been grappling with for the past 6 years, I think I really am at some point just going to have to bite the bullet and go. Even if it's is only for a year and I realize that it is better for me to just admire and support Israel from afar, I will never know unless I try....
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