You always want what you can't have, and what you can you don't want

Seems to be the story of my life, especially with men. If they come off too strong, I'll run away. If they barely show interest, I'm hooked. Why is it that this seems to be the case with most people? We claim that all we want in this world is to be loved, but the minute we hear those words our first instinct is to run away? Maybe it's only if the feelings aren't mutual. Maybe it's just me. Unfortunately I've come to the realization that I'll do almost anything for love, even when it isn't love. Just to have arms to crawl into, something familiar, something to call home. But when the feelings just aren't there, it's time to look for another home.

I often wonder if life was meant to be this way. We all seemed to be consumed with love interests, hook-ups, etc., and for what? Isn't there more to life than allowing someone to have a hold on our emotions? When did we stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking about the interest of the moment? I know it keeps life fun and exciting, but for G-d's sake, I want my motha f'n poetry! Imagine if I stopped thinking, worrying, talking about him or him or even him, I could turn to Him (Hashem) and well I'd have a lot more time to dedicate to, say, improving my Hebrew or feeding the hungry or injecting some more culture into this city. G-d dammit I'm done. Whatever happens will happen and whether I want it or not doesn't matter. This time I'm surrendering control over my emotions voluntarily, or rather choosing to not give a f*ck.