After returning from a Jerusalem state of mind, I awoke somewhat drunk, somewhat hungover, very much in a rush, and somewhat nervous about tonight.
Without feeding into my ego too much, I am proud of myself for not only the simple beauty of being in this country which I love and hate a little more each day, but for finding a void and then filling it. I've got my regular gigs that help keep my sanity (or the little bit of it I have). Open mic night that allows me to pretend even for just a couple of hours that I am back in NYC. Jazz nights that make me feel like I am Dean Moriarty as a 5 year old. Killing bottles of wine with awe-inspiring friends, many of whom have become my heroines in a way. Mothers, sisters, friends, role-models...just don't tell them I said that. I hope my friends here and in the States know just how much I love them and how much they mean to me. I guess that something I learned a long time ago from a wise lion is that it's all good all the time. And you know what? It is.
I won't lie, I have my "regrets" like we all do. Those little mistakes I once made that I believe I would take back if I could turn the hands of time. But I'm here now because of those decisions I made. And all in all, I think it's a pretty fulfilling life.
So tonight I get to play with the butterflies in my stomach, open my mouth at the mic and allow them to fly out into the crowd. I hope that they are as beautiful as I believe them to be.
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Its funny because that wise lion's words have also stuck with me, and sometimes I find myself repeating that in my head "it is all good all the time", b/c the moment we start doubting the positivity of every moment is the moment we get lost in the sea of negativity, and at that point its hard to fight the tides to get back to that safe happy place... stay true. LOVE YOU
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