Cyclical. I really like the sound of that word. It also happens to be true to my life. I graduated college almost 4 years ago. That's also around the time he and I broke up. Four years later and another relationship seemingly ended and in this cyclical life of mine I am back at square one.
And all day I had a line of my friend's poem running through my mind - "and then I realize...I'm lonely." That's when it kept hitting me. 2008 was supposed to be this magical year where big things happen. And yes, I'm employed and yes, I am slowly saving up and yes, soon my friend will move back and we'll look for a place to move into together but really it's March already and before I know it, it'll be April and then the weather will change and it'll get warmer, and then my birthday and I'll be friggin 26 and I'm counting on being single then too and before you know it, it'll be a year since you told me you'd move here so we could be together and you know what? I'll still count on being single because yes, if I really loved you as much as I said I did I'd move back but if you really did believe your own words when you said you'd move here for us you'd be here too. And maybe we're both back at square 1 and you'll be rational and I'll be emotional and you'll move on and I'll cling on to memories past, and it'll feel just like 4 years ago and 4 years later the same thing will happen. I'll go through some life-changing experiences but at the end of the day I'll still count on being single through it all and you'll move on and then I'll be looking at photos of your children and their smiling faces wondering once what could have been.
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1 comment:
Hi I like your writings. Being back at square one? reminds me of a song by they might be giants called "partical man"
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