Monday, May 31, 2010
This is a sad day
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
He looks at me with skeptical eyes
Any other man would see me in a different light
Instantly I would be special
Different from any girl he has ever met
But no
He wishes I were a woman whose main desire was to be barefoot, pregnant and cooking something spicy in the kitchen
Someone who obeys
Who doesn't think for herself
Who doesn't know how to create anything but babies
And even then needs a man for everything
Someone possibly like his mother
Old school and the opposite of free-thinking
The embodiment of traditional
I tell him I'm a poet
And I've never been made to feel like that's anything less than beautiful until now
I want to forget that you ever existed
That we contemplated the future
Because you are not the boy I once knew then
The one I want to savor in memories
Have appear in dreams
This new found you is too harsh
Too rough around the edges
Avoids real confrontation at all costs
And still won't take risks
I want to hide hide hide you
So I don't have to see what you're bothered by today
What happened that prompted an email and an update
Let it all just come as a surprise to me, or better that I had not known at all
I don't need a random reminder of what would have been
What once was
What will never be
I have my memories for that
My brain that does not sleep
Even now
Even past the point of exhaustion
And 16 hour days
And I didn't know you would pop up again so often, so unexpectedly
Tonight I am one year older in G-d's eyes and yet in an instant I went back in time by three
