It's come to my attention that I feel very far away

Four and a half years ago I got on plane to the Holy Land that is Tel Aviv. Well, Ra'anana to be honest and less than a week later I was in a 5-month sublet on King David Street living a life I could never have dreamed. And I met so many beautiful people who touched my life to its core. Four years ago on December 18th (my mom's birthday), for better or for worse, but mainly for necessity, I received my Teudat Zehut. And for those seven months prior and many months to follow, I loved, longed, lusted after, laughed, cried, danced, and drank too many bottles of wine. I don't regret a single thing, except for leaving. Or not leaving, but having not come back.

I think I tend to get so nostalgic for Israel in winter. It's easy to do so then, because I'm cursing New York's cold and questioning why the hell I am passing up Palm Trees and heat waves for snow. It's also because when it's cold here, I know I have so long to wait till summer comes and I choose to leave the best time to be in New York so I can have a Tel Aviv summer like it was in 2006 and the end of 2007.

It's been four and a half years - can you imagine? I've come to terms with the decisions I've made that have led me to Brooklyn with a boy I love, but nothing can compare to 2006/2007 of my mind. That was the only time in my life when I had a group of sisters who would call me out on my bullshit. Would tell me to stop pretending I didn't miss NY, chide me for treating my time in Israel like some "study abroad program", support me and my poetry needs, and simply love me for me. And sometimes it hits me just how lucky I was and how I feel so far away. I miss you all. I miss every second of it. I wish I could just go back in time to grab a group hug and carry on like it'll all be okay because it has to.

So, let's use technology to our advantage. Here I am on the cursed G train with vegan thai take-out and a lemonade mixer on my way to see a man in Williamsburg for a hug and to work a freelance life till the wee hours of the night. His hugs don't feel like sisterhood, but they certainly feel like home. And I'll make due until it's summer again, and you'll find me dancing. You'll know where I am because I'll be with you. xx