The times they are a changin'

Last night he asked me what's new?  My answer, from the depths of a haze, life.  It's always changing.  He tells me it doesn't have to if you don't want it to.  I said it doesn't matter.  Life just always changes.

The past few days have led me to question "who am I?" as I had to rush into survival mode.  I have no time to think for the future.  I now think for the here and now.  For 2 days ahead.  For 2 weeks ahead.  For where will I be Sept. 12th?  One day after my city cried.

You can always tell if a woman is going through a significant change from the look of her hair.  I chopped mine off Sunday afternoon.  You tell me what that means.  I am doing all I can to facilitate change.  Today I spoke to G-d and told him exactly what I want for the next few weeks.  I hope He heard me.  I spelled everything out loud and clear.  I even had a witness.

T'shuvah, tefilah, tzedaka, and physical location.  That's what the gemara says is necessary to facilitate change.  I hope I can work on the first three and think about the last one.

Sometimes I see imaginary people of my past. Everyone in this world has a back double - that person who from behind you swear is a vision. Their spitting image only to be jolted when they turn around and you realize it's not so. They can only exist where you left them, never to appear except for like ghosts.

9 days blues

We're in the midst of the 9 days now. Fun must end at all costs. We must prepare to act as if we are in mourning. I feel a difference of energy in the air. I can't help but feel a mono-type of energy drain. I feel tired all the time. I wake up tired waiting to finally wake up.

I'm personally gearing up for the fast. A lot of mental and spiritual prep is involved. I wonder how everyone else is feeling.