Friday, October 16, 2009

You know you're getting older when

Exes start getting married.

Because the world is growing ever smaller thanks to the interwebs and the tools they bring us, I know my ex is starting a new chapter of his life. Soon. And I remember when I first found out. It was this numbing kind of shock that left me short of breath and my hands going on first instinct searching for the nearest alcoholic beverage. But then after a while my breathing became regulated again and something happened. I was okay with life going on.

I actually saw him not too long ago at an important place from our past. We were in the same room for hours and didn't say hello. I watched him and listened intently as he made a speech, and realized that this voice that was once so familiar was unrecognizable. And that face that I once wanted to wake up to forever was foreign to me. And then the strangest and most wonderful thing happened. I came to the realization that no matter how confused or in limbo my life might be right now, I'm still happier to know that I'm where I am today and that everything happened just as it did.

It's really weird how the subconscious works. For the past couple of weeks leading up to this moment I've been having dreams around his wedding, some involving friends from different parts of my life, one even involving another ex who in the dream was visiting NY and no one bothered to tell me he was in town.

It's strange, all these new beginnings and people evolving. And still, I'm okay. Almost...happy even.

No comments: