London Buses

I woke up this morning from a dream about him and her and me and a car and a computer in an office. I woke up this morning without having any interviews scheduled. By 3 PM I had 2 interviews scheduled for the early evening. After what seemed like a 15 minute so-so interview in an office that was shared by 5 people and looked like a tornado hit, and a normal length interview in an office to die for (well not literally), I headed over to the Bowery Poetry Club to practice my poem that I'm performing in my show next week. It was the first time I performed something memorized and it felt great. I kept my cool and was barely conscious that I was on stage. I just have to do it "bigger" for the real thing.

During the poetry reading, I got a call from an unrecognized number I assumed was a friend's work number. Turns out it was another PR firm calling about a job. When it rains it pours. London buses. Insert typical phrase here.

I'm not complaining though. On the contrary, I like that now I'm meeting with firms that light up when I say that I can start working tomorrow. I'm looking forward to proving to the firm that provides weekly manicures that I can be fierce.

I'm not sure I get it

This whole Paolo Nutini thing. I saw him perform on Carson Daly last night and I almost thought he was blind and/or had a disability. Maybe it's a Scottish thing. So now I'm watching his music videos to see if I get it. I still don't get it.

In this world where nothing seems right I need to write so in my mind I right the wrongs I've written.

Dear Corporate America:

It is 2:10 in the morning and while I should be soundly sleeping, I am awake and clicking through three (3) different job search engines. I am tired. I want a good night's sleep. I want financial security. Simply put: I want a job. Because I am sick of second guessing my choice to stay in New York and not return to Israel. I am sick of questioning if I made the right decision when I thought that there would be more opportunity for me in my native New York. But after months of interviews that lead to more interviews that lead to nothing, I am starting to feel something that goes beyond frustration; I am beginning to feel despair.

I have become a monkey dressed in a suit that barely fits me anymore since I've had to forgo my gym membership. My nails are a constant shade of boring that is something between beige and pale pink. I have become a hermit who only ventures to the city during the week if I have an interview scheduled. I have grown to truly appreciate honesty, because in this city so few people have been honest with me.

Corporate America, let me be honest with you. I am experienced. I am qualified if not overqualified. I am hungry - literally - and I am so ready for the opportunity to prove to you that if you take a chance and hire this girl who is tired of answering the same questions over and over again (my experience is on my resume; if there are any job updates I will let you know) that you will not regret it. Because I have a new found appreciation for ID cards, unlimited MetroCards, gym memberships, personal coffee mugs and weekly status meetings. I also have a new found appreciation for a steady income.

Corporate America, I beseech you. Do not see my year away from you as something detrimental to my career and your ability to make more money, but rather as proof that I can make it anywhere with my will to survive. I am creative, I am driven, and I can multi-task with the best of them. So as one of my favorite poets, Beau Sia, says, " Give me a chance, and I'll change the world!"

My resume is enclosed for your review and writing samples can be provided. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Candidate for Hire

My latest obsession

You Had Time (Ani DiFranco)

how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time

you are a china shop
and i am a bull
you are really good food
and i am full
i guess everything is timing
i guess everything's been said
so i am coming home with an empty head

you'll say did they love you or what
i'll say they love what i do
the only one who really loves me is you
and you'll say girl did you kick some butt
and i'll say i don't really remember
but my fingers are sore
and my voice is too

you'll say it's really good to see you
you'll say i missed you horribly
you'll say let me carry that
give that to me
and you will take the heavy stuff
and you will drive the car
and i'll look out the window and make jokes
about the way things are

how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time

Oh where to begin, where to begin?

For starters, I have decided that honesty is my new policy - with others and with myself. If something hurts, talk about it. If it involves those I care about who care about me, then why not? I've got nothing to lose.

The dreams just keep coming. Thursday night after dancing about the Torah and singing songs till the wee hours of the morning, he came to me once again. In a Rocky Horror Picturesque style, in a cafeteria filled with many Asians for some reason, there he was chatting up an Asian-inspired girl and telling her he could picture himself spending the rest of his life with her and raising children. Then I met a guy named Adam who was supposed to be Israeli. He seemed fairly nice and normal when we met in the cafeteria, but then it cut to me knocking on his door that had glass in it. He was behind it, wearing glasses and for some reason he had an S&M feel to him. Maybe it was the whip I could see from behind the darkened glass...

Eviatar Banai plays bitter-sweetly in my ear. One of the best musicians I have ever seen perform. I miss Israel in February. I miss it period. I ate salad from a non-kosher restaurant and then had to run to the bathroom a few times. Is that a sign of something? Is G-d telling me he doesn't f*ck around?

New York is so heavy sometimes. So stuffy. So light. So empty. So full. So full of itself.

While waiting for the subway last night, I saw a man bleeding from his head and his friend tending to him, dabbing at it with baby wipes. I was appalled to have seen one person on the phone trying to get an ambulance and not one single person offering their seat for the injured to sit and wait. The least I could do is offer my pack of tissues. When the train finally came, they didn't wait for the ambulance. They got on the train instead. A man tried to share a look with me that was supposed to convey "oh those silly Afro-Americans on drugs again." I tried to convey "do something and offer up your damn seat." How amazed I am at the lack of care and concern New Yorkers have. And I thought we had warm hearts. Silly me.

Perfect thought for the week's mood (taken from Yehuda Berg's Weekly Tune-up):

The Light is a parent to us all, and thus struggles every day watching us fall and pick ourselves up and fall and pick ourselves up and fall and pick ourselves up. But a mistake is a beautiful thing, as long as you learn from it.

Perhaps an even more painful lesson is the deeper the pit you fall into, the higher you can climb.

This week we have the opportunity to go back on a spiritual level to the embryonic state, before the fall, and to remember the deal we struck:

Obstacles are a necessity. It's our choice whether
they become chaos or opportunities for revelation of Light.

I, for one, am focusing on positive thoughts. I am not "hopefully" getting a job because that statement means I have doubts. I will get a job within a week. I will give more because I want to. Because it's what we should do as human beings in this world.

I will never say it better.

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